The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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