his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
