It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
