god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
