I CAN MOONWALK!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
