and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
