help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
