omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
