You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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