Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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