No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize