Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
