dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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