ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
When are your genitals available?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
