dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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