please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
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