so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
