Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
