The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
