How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
