i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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