I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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