I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
