my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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