there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You were trust falling into bushes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
