I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
