i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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