Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
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