Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
