just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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