My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
