Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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