I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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