If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
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