I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
third nipple confirmed
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
