so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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