So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
