He asked to "fluff my boner.."
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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