Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize