apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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