Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
