I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
