omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize