she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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