Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
