She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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