Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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