Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
