wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
