she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize