this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
