Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Randomize
