When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
