We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
