I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
