i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
