I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
