2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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