just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
