this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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