my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
