Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
