He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
