guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
