i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize