I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
i need to put some appletini on your dick
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
