Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
