absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
