I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Rumble strips road head = magical
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
