He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Randomize
