Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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