I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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