The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
