dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Randomize
