I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
