your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
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