I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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