I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
