My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
