I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Randomize
