Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
