It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
