either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
