The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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