when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
