It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
