chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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